ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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