no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
