Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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