John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
