How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
