Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize