Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
