He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You've changed since you got that strap on
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
