That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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