There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
