Ambien. No doubt about it.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The struggles of a small town man whore
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
