none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
