Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
