I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize