Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
