I wannas sexs uuuuu
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
