Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
