I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
worst night to have a conscience
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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