What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
