DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
