she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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