she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
