the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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