Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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