Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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