why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
