Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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