Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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