I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
