sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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