Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
