Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
