hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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