The maid of honor just puked.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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