Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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