his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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