It's Friday. Sex?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
