there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
40s are totally the cure
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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