You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
