whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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