I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize