he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
