Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
