So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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