haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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