I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He shit in the fireplace
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
