This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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