if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
