Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
