Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
