even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
