just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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