She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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