drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
