She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
