I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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