My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
