You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
