my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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