Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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