My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
