Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
