allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
