I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
foreskin is a definite game changer
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
