Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize