I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
