she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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