u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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