Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't deserve a penis
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
