For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
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