This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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