I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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