Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize