I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
